7 Rules to Radically and Immediately Improve Your Communication

Reduce the Insanity of Broken Workplace Communications & Manage Virtual Connections

Personal and business correspondence has drifted sharply away from in-person conversation or even vocal communication – almost exclusively to written messages. Texting, email, instant messenger apps, Twitter, Facebook, and so on are encouraging us to rely on the written word more and more each passing day. You might believe, like so many do, that this can improve your communication.

Written information has immense importance in our culture and I am a rabid book-lover. However, when it comes to conveying information or gaining alignment on an action – the written word might not be your best tool, even in these digitally-dependent times.

Don’t get me wrong: email, text and instant messenger have many valuable benefits – when used appropriately. But, think about it … Have you ever emailed a response to a question to someone that works on the same floor as you (or in the cubicle next door)? Or: instead of picking up the phone when someone didn’t quite grasp the information conveyed in the email, you dropped into old habits and hit ‘Reply’?

Have you occasionally voiced your exasperation over the sheer quantity of email that you receive daily? I bet, you, just like me have an inbox ‘graveyard’ where emails go to rot for infinity. It’s all TOO MUCH already! Guess what – by hitting reply and falling into habit: you are only perpetuating the problem.

The issue isn’t that written messages are bad. The real problem is: we are trying to rewrite thousands of years of effective communication evolution in under 30 years. Words are only a very small portion of effective communication, the rest lies in tone of voice and body language. Neither of these can be conveyed well in a written message – no matter how many emoji’s you use.

The written word is powerful, however, humans have evolved to effectively communicate and build relationships in person (video conferencing counts – mostly). Rest assured, I’m not a dinosaur advocating that we all throw out email, social media, and texting. They are great tools. We get into trouble when we use them as a crutch.

I’ve seen too many projects, relationships, work processes, and entire business systems completely botched by insufficient and ineffective communication. I have personally coached managers that sincerely felt that an email ‘notice’ to their staff was sufficient to engage them in a major process change! I have had these same managers wonder why each member of their team had a different understanding of the message and no one was following the new process (duh).

Another syndrome that email users suffer from is Email Slinging. This is what happens when someone wants to get their point across via email and isn’t really paying attention to what the other party is saying. It’s like trying to talk over someone that is trying to talk to you. If you’ve ever tried to do this, you will know that both of you just get louder without hearing that the other person has to say!

Stop the insanity and have an Open Dialogue already! An open dialogue isn’t a new cool app found on your phone. A dialogue is a ‘conversation between two or more people’ and there are a few Rules:

Rule#1: Be Brief

If you are there to chat about the weekend and catch up on each other’s kids – that’s fine if it’s just the two of you and you have time to kill. However, in a group setting, keep it brief and get to the point. Otherwise, it defeats the point of communication efficiency and you are disrespecting other people’s time. Having an agenda is not a bad idea either.

Rule #2: Be Open

The purpose for having the Dialogue Session should not just be to talk about your point of view. Set aside your opinions long enough to consider what others have to say objectively and be open to changing your mind. If you are showing up just to be heard, think again. Effective dialogues are a collaborative effort.

Rule #3: Actively Listen

Allow others to speak freely without getting off-topic too far or taking a detour on Pity Parkway. No one wants to have a complaint session. Establish the topic before you begin, agree to stay on topic, and listen to what others have to say without cluttering your mind with what YOU are going to say next. Just. Listen.

Rule #4: Ask Why

Ask reflective questions to better understand the message or subject that is being discussed. Also, if you are dealing with an issue; asking why will help you discover the root cause in lieu of simply jumping to the first easy solution. If you don’t have all the facts, you are likely to make an assumption. I’ve never heard that assumptions were a good source of sound decision-making.

Rule #5: Ask for Opinions

Don’t hesitate to poll the group for thoughts after any statement. This encourages the spirit of open dialogue and loosens the tongues of those perhaps previously silent. A tip to improve your communication is to wait until everyone else has voiced their opinions before expressing yours. That allows you to build consensus, interject your perspective as well as honor other’s contributions to gain alignment. It also makes you look like a superstar – nothing wrong with that.

Rule #6: Paraphrase

It’s ok to repeat what you thought you heard or understood for clarity. You aren’t being ‘cheeky’: you are simply making sure that you have a consistent understanding of what has been said or decided. This is particularly critical if it’s a group dialogue. If you aren’t 100% certain what was intended, paraphrasing your understanding of what was said for clarity is essential.

Rule #7: Determine Action Items

Before the dialogue ends, ascertain any actions that need to be followed up on and ensure that someone is responsible for each item. It’s best to get volunteers for action items but don’t be afraid to assign them if no one speaks up. Don’t forget to set a due date. I find it useful to ask the person that is taking the action item when the deadline will be. That way they feel more in control and they are more likely to get it done.

Rules to Improve Your Virtual Communication

As our society is being propelled into the landscape of remote work environments – you might be asking yourself how you can have an effective dialogue … virtually??

Thanks to new technology and high-speed internet – the vast majority of professionals can work remotely and manage remote teams – which elevates the significance of the in-person dialogue (but it’s not ‘in person’).

The biggest challenge I see as a coach is a gap in understanding how to ‘show up’ virtually and reap the benefits from virtual ‘in-person’ communication. I’m sure you have experienced multiple virtual meetings where over 50% of participants aren’t actually participating. When questions are asked … crickets (no response). Or worse, the impression others are making in the virtual landscape is, well, lack-luster.

Use virtual video-conferencing tools wisely. Just because you have video conferencing software at your fingertips doesn’t mean you always have to use it. A phone call for 1:1 quick conversations is just as effective. If you do use video for virtual meetings – use it with style.

• Show up, don’t just sit there. ‘Showing up’ to the virtual event means that you must engage! this is super annoying to introverts but it’s also very important. Because you are in a virtual environment and missing essential elements of in-person meetings, almost everything must be elevated and more animated than normal.
• Modulate your tone of voice. Monotone folks need to work really hard to develop vocal variation. Vocal variety helps with engagement and communicating your intent. It also helps to keep other people from falling asleep while you are talking.
• Use your facial expressions! You must smile! Elevate your expressions and put more emphasis on them to convey your intent. Do not allow your face to slide into ‘neutral’. This is a MUST – otherwise, you end up looking disgruntled for the majority of the meeting.
• Be aware of your background. Take a look at yourself in the video – what’s going on behind you? Is the room a mess, is there a fan rotating on your head, are you sharing more than you want to your coworkers? While some video conferencing software allows you to choose your background on a green screen, I recommend a good old-fashioned folding screen.
• Mind your camera angle. No one wants to look up your nose or at the top of your head. Buy a cheap secondary camera if you need to and place it evenly with your face. This sends a much better impression and subconsciously puts you on ‘eye-to-eye’ with your fellow participants.
• Look the part. Working remotely doesn’t mean you can forget to brush your teeth or do something with your face. Dress as you would when you go to the office. People can always create a new impression of you at any time. Be mindful of what you visually represent.

Immediately Improve Your Communication

How would it make you feel to be the person that achieves better outcomes when it comes to important decisions? Or the manager that everyone knows is engaged in their employees? You can hold people accountable without it being a chore and there is less time wasted in slinging ideas across internet-space.

Just in case you are suffering from the illusion that email, text, and instant messenger is more efficient – let me illuminate your mind. Not only is the email, for instance, missing key points of human communication – but studies have shown that it is dramatically less efficient than in-person dialogues (ie: conversation).

By leveraging a tool that is centuries old and designed by good ol’ evolution, people will find you more approachable and feel that you value them.
If you want to radically and immediately improve your communication, don’t leave your message open to chance. Funny how just talking to people makes all the difference, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, as a society, we don’t pause to breathe often enough and we fall victim to illusion that electronic = faster.

A little bit about me …. my name is Erin Urban (LSSBB, CPDC), I’m a member of the Forbes Coaches Council, a keynote speaker, a certified career growth and leadership development coach with almost a decade of mentoring and coaching successful professional transformations.

I help driven, experienced professionals, remove career roadblocks to achieve more influence, impact, and income.

Want to grow your career and not sure where to start? Let’s chat! Schedule a consultation call HERE.