Three Tips To Avoid Sneaky Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies. It’s even worse when you don’t realize it. Sneaky self-sabotaging behaviors can damage your credibility and success, leaving you none the wiser. According to an article published in Psychology Today,”Behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems and interferes with long-standing goals.”

Some of these lessons I had to learn the hard way. I was damaging my professional and personal growth without being aware of my own sabotage. Worse, my unconscious self-sabotaging behavior was impacting my personal life and dictating my decisions.

1. Don’t let others dictate your behavior.

Allowing other people to dictate your behavior happens more often than you think. Instead of being “response-able” (choosing our responses to situations rather than reacting to them) we are too quick to react without reflection. Instead of staying true to our core values, we descend to the antagonists level.

I see these situations often when I coach corporate clients. This particularly affect the high performers when poor performers are not managed properly. Instead of sticking to their guns and continuing their high standards of work, the high performers will start to feel devalued and consequently devalue themselves. Morale suffers, and, eventually, they either leave or sink to substandard productivity levels.

I’ve had a client say early in their coaching journey, “Since management doesn’t seem to care if they (the poor performers) do quality work, I guess I don’t have to either.” Why in the world would you let someone else harm your credibility just because they don’t have the same work ethic as you? It seems ridiculous when you look at it from this perspective, but it happens all the time. As fellow life coach Mike Bechtle puts it, “People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.”

2. Don’t let others dictate your attitude.

When I was young and thought I knew everything, I would roll my eyes whenever I saw a motivational poster about attitude. Little did I know, I was the poster child for attitude issues. I used to be lightning-quick with my reactions to situations. While I could blame my hot temper, I just needed to step up and be more accountable. Your attitude really does drive your happiness and success in life. Why would you want to give someone else control?

You might not consciously want to give someone else the keys to your attitude, but it happens every day. Think about driving to work in the mad traffic rush every day. How often have you found yourself convinced that another person did something incredibly stupid on purpose? What about the co-worker who talks loudly in the next cubicle or that one colleague who just drives you crazy? It’s too easy to forget and hand over the keys to our attitude.

The result of me handing over my keys was daily frustration, irritation and disillusionment. I let everything wind me up. All it did was make life more challenging. Even if it was a seriously impactful situation, having a bad attitude wasn’t going to make it better! We want to control the world. The reality is that we can control our attitudes, responses and actions, but little else. I’ve become more intentional about focusing on what I can control and letting go of what I cannot, which has led to an infinitely happier and healthier life.

3. Don’t let others devalue your sense of self.

Of all the sneaky self-sabotaging behaviors that can damage your credibility and success, this one is the worst. It starts with something you do every single day. It is human nature to compare ourselves to others, and sometimes it’s a good thing. Comparing yourself to others can be motivating or help you find commonalities.

Unfortunately, the act of comparison can also (and more often) lead to internal conflict and lack of self-confidence. Do you feel like you constantly fall short of your own expectations and find yourself unworthy or “less than” someone else? This is damaging behavior and self-sabotage.

I’m guilty of negative self-comparison, particularly in athletics. I fight a constant battle of comparing my performance to others. Inevitably, I end up feeling bad and thinking that I’ll never be good enough — even though I’m comparing myself to people 15 years younger. I have to remember to embrace who I am and value my own unique abilities. Most importantly, I need to remember to be grateful and realistic.

Ask yourself:

• Am I setting realistic and feasible expectations?

• Are my expectations my own or something expected of me — and by whom?

• Do my expectations align with my core values?

• Are these expectations really what I need to focus on to be happy?

Often, we are setting expectations of ourselves that are not only unreasonable but also unnecessary for our true happiness. Remember: Success is something that you decide. You own your definition of success!

Fighting Other Sneaky Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

It’s too easy to fall into the trap of self-sabotage and hand over control of our behaviors, attitudes and sense of self-worth to other people without even thinking. A self-sabotage cycle where we assume the worst is particularly dangerous. Fight your self-sabotaging behaviors by owning your impact and keeping your keys.

Develop a daily practice of pausing, reflecting and then intentionally responding. By being self-aware, you can avoid behaving reactively. In order to be intentional about your attitude, it takes consistent focus to control your perspective. A good attitude is not automatic.

Many of us are susceptible to listening to our inner critic or allowing others to push us off our center. Repeat positive self-affirmations, and adopt a gratitude habit through journaling, meditation or supportive mantras. You are accountable for yourself. When you own your impact and become intentional, happiness naturally follows.

A little bit about me …. my name is Erin Urban (LSSBB, CPDC), I’m a member of the Forbes Coaches Council, a keynote speaker, a certified career growth and leadership development coach with almost a decade of mentoring and coaching successful professional transformations.

I help people achieve more potential, more purpose and more passion in their careers!

With an extensive background in leading individual, cultural and organizational change initiatives: my mission is to lift you up to defy your limits and exceed your goals!

Seen on: Thrive Global | besomebody.com | Forbes.com