Life Lessons are Learned Best from Others

I had a young mentee once say to me: “What can I learn from a mentor that I can’t learn from Google?” I was stunned and then saddened. The ability to learn life lessons from others is a valuable trait to cultivate. Not only do you shorten your learning curve but there is so much deep knowledge to be gained which cannot be replicated by Google. Life lessons are learned best from others.

Head Down and in a Hurry

I was at Sportsman Park in Idaho Falls, ID enjoying a picnic break during a 5-hour drive across the Western U.S. Other than observing the lovely little park and the beauty of the waterfalls themselves, I noticed a young man wandering about aimlessly. I couldn’t figure out why he was there because he never looked up from his phone. Not even once. I have no idea how he managed to navigate the steps and meandering pathways without falling in the river!

Chiropractors have a new spinal issue to deal with and it’s brought on by the constant viewing of smart devices. The days of idle people watching and talking to one another are gone. So much can be learned from simply observing others or even (shockingly!) talking to complete strangers. These life lessons and discoveries are completely missed by those consumed by their smartphones. How can you possibly take in the richness of the human race or the beauty of the world if you never interact with it?

None of what our own eyes and ears comprehend can be replicated in video or photos.

Electronic Nanny

When I was growing up, my mother told me to “Go outside, play and don’t come back until dinnertime.” Those days are gone with the dinosaurs and I’m not even old enough for retirement yet! My nanny was the great wide world. I would go bug my great-grandmother for a hotdog and a story. Or, find my grandfather in the garden to help him attack the weeds. I would always hear a story. I grew up surrounded by stories of my elders. Images of times gone by, the lessons they learned, funny experiences and challenges they overcame.

I was so incredibly lucky to grow up surrounded by my family and people that would interact with me.

When I go out to dinner or to a public space – do I see elders or parents talking to their children and telling them stories? No. Never. Not even once. The only stories kids get these days are at daycare or kindergarten before nap time. It’s read from a book. I see parent handing smart devices to their children to keep them quiet. They don’t tell them stories or talk to them! Playing games is what children become good at but not learning important life lessons from others.

Technology Disintegration

Our technology advancements are improving at an astounding rate. What I saw in science fiction movies as a little girl are becoming real. Self-driving cars, artificial intelligence, and household robots. I’m excited and terrified for our race. I’m not sure that we have truly considered how to skillfully integrate technology into our culture and our human psyche. Instead of thoughtfully introducing new concepts: we leap onto the newest ‘thing’ and use it … without any consideration for the outcomes!

We have entire generations growing up deprived of the very essence of humanity as social creatures. The foundational ability to have varied and diverse conversations is largely missing. The fact is, we have not developed psychologically as humans to create genuine relationships with others in absence of in-person dialogue.

Because children were deprived of true interaction with other humans and given electronic nannies we have a serious issue to contend with. Discourse is avoided and considered conflict. Expectations are fantastical (based on all those childhood books) and egos are fragile. Emotional intelligence is not being allowed to develop until a much later age.

What we have done is technology disintegration. Instead of being connected, we are more disconnected than ever – and blinded by it.

Disconnected and Dysfunctional

StartupStockPhotos / Pixabay

Some of those we label Millennials have seen the issues of their peers and done what they could to encourage interpersonal development. It’s not just Millennials that suffer from interpersonal dysfunction either. Older generations also struggle with making genuine connections with others. My generation included!

Those brought up with a TV nanny instead of spending time with parents or family struggle as well. Maybe we got to go outside to play or interact with our peers without a smart device but we didn’t always get the opportunity to talk to an adult. Not everyone got to hear stories.

By being so disconnected at an early age, we lose the ability to understand how human discourse works and how it’s beneficial. Increased alienation from other humans can lead to depression, anxiety, anger, and aggression towards others. It’s become epidemic yet all we do is text or comment on social media.

Bridge the Gap

It’s time for us to see the chasm that is developing and bridge the gap. All it takes is becoming comfortable with being a little uncomfortable. Set yourself a challenge to talk to 5 complete strangers in a week! Really talk to them and have a dialogue – don’t just say “Hi!”.

Have a buddy challenge with friends to see who can make the most phone calls and text the least to other friends. Call your grandparents, or better yet: go see them. Ask them to tell you about how they grew up and what they learned. Volunteer doing something that increases your interaction with others. Ask people to tell you stories. Instead of looking something up on the web – call a friend, colleague or family member and ask them.

Life lessons are learned best from others! Making a big decision? Talk to someone you trust about it and listen to their experiences. Want to learn how to present better, speak better in front of others or develop yourself towards some personal or professional goal? Find a mentor who is successful in your target improvement area and ask if you can shadow them or meet over coffee to chat.

Learning and Leaping Ahead

I offer you the opportunity to open yourself up to possibilities and open your eyes – observe others in their struggles and achievements. Hear their stories and take it all in! Develop a reflective mindset and a broader perspective. Be open to having a dialogue with others or debate topics. Don’t fall into the trap of going through life, head down and absorbed in a smart device.

Those that are genuinely successful have figured out early on to (1) value others, (2) observe and listen first before offering an opinion, (3) and ask for help. To become an achiever you absolutely must learn from others around you. Once you do you will leap ahead in your knowledge and wisdom like never before. Invest in yourself by investing in others. You will be a thousand times thankful you did when you look back on your life.

Erin Urban LSSBB, CPDC is a certified professional development coach, member of Forbes Coaches Council and culture change expert with over 8 years in mentoring and coaching successful professional transformations. With an extensive background in leading individual, cultural and organizational change initiatives: her mission is to lift others up to defy their limits and exceed their goals.